Drunken Kunoichi Fever
by sharneybob
Summary: What goes on in the mind of a lonely girl who's had a little to drink... ;D
1. Club Konoha

Hello people! *waves* Umm...

So this story was written for my friends, because I said I would write a story about them (hope you like it guys! x3) - the codename is 'drunkenfanfic' because I was bored and alone one night and drank a bit much and started writing a pile of garbage :3 but not all of it! You can probly tell where...even after heavily editing. XD

I tried to keep our characters similar, but sometimes we're a bit OOC (plz don't hate me) :D Seriously, I'm so annoying in this story, I piss _myself_ off.

I don't own the series of Naruto.. or Kakashi D: .. I only own myself (and Hannah and Pie *MWAHA!*)

So enjoy you guys, love you! =D

..p.s - to anyone else reading this, I'm sorry in advance that you happened to stumble upon this disaster (unless you're into hopelessly inebriated, retarded ninja) T_T

* * *

It was your typical Friday night in Club Konoha. A kunoichi by the name of Hannah sat in the bar with her fellow teammates Pie, and Sharne (who was nowhere to be seen at the moment). She wore her favourite HIM hoodie and was scratching the shape of a heartagram into the table with her kunai boredly.

Pie had gotten the drinks in tonight. She watched as Pie chugged down almost a pint of beer, exhaling after in a big _"Ahhhh.". _Man, she could hold her drink.

Hannah nursed her JD and coke looking over to the noisy kunoichi who had reappeared, and sipped at the glass rather than sucking the liquid through the straw. _Man, why did she go and put straws in our drink? No wonder Sharne's bouncing off the walls off her tits…again. _The sun hadn't even gone down, it was still freaking shining! She blinked at drunken girl, the strap of her vest top hung off her shoulder exposing part of her bra, her hair had ruffled up and she had bright pink whiskers on her cheek drawn on in eyeliner. She appeared to be drinking a Chi Chi cocktail…through a straw.

"HAAANNAH-NAH." Sharne glomped Hannah and sploshed some drink in her face.

"What?" the vein on her temple twitched annoyingly at the annoying girl.

"…"

"…"

"HEE."

Hannah sweat dropped.

"Wanna 'nother drink babe?" Pie asked Sharne, pulling her top back up.

"Yay!" Sharne cheered and hugged her.

"PIE!" Hannah slapped Pie up the side of the head.

"Wan' me to buy you that drink, babe?" A tipsy Genma sidled up to Sharne and slid his sneaky hand round her shoulders. Ugh, he was such a creepy pervert.

"_EEEE! _HETCHI HETCHI! BAKA BAKA BAKA!" Sharne screamed in disgust and punched Genma straight in the cheek and he flew across the room. He sat up, rubbed his cheek, then blew a kiss.

"ZAKKENAYO!"

Hannah sighed and dragged her two teammates outside. She knew the bar wasn't a good plan, their next mission was _tonight._ Now. Atleast some Jonin were coming along too, she didn't feel like dragging her intoxicated friend through bushes all the way.

"Guys, it's 8.30pm, so we gotta go on our mission now, you ready?"

"Yup!" Pie made an enthusiastic peace sign. Sharne rocked back and forth, with eyes closed, strange smile, just blitzin'. Pie slapped her out of it round the face. "Itai!"

"Yo." They were suddenly joined by some Jonin. _Mm, male Jonin. _And their client who they would assist to another village for their mission, some upperclass snob who kept looking at his watch. Hannah looked the ninja over…Iruka, still sexy as ever, and…Gai.

_Hahaha, who's going with Gai?_

"Oiii. Wait up, mm. Don't leave me behind." the local womaniser stumbled towards them rubbing his head and shaking off the alcohol. Genma. _Kami FFS!_

"Pie-chan, Sharne-chan, Hannah-chan." Iruka greeted with a wink, shooting a little shy smile at Hannah as he was stood kind of next to her. Everyone knew he totally crushed on Hannah. Sharne began to grin widely and foolishly but Pie shoved her hand over her mouth and stopped her.

"Hellooo boys.." Pie said in a somewhat sultry way, waving her "FREE HUGS" sign. She eyed Genma head to toe, 'cause, secretly, she had a thing for the lil' perv. He **was** cute in his own pervy ways, really. She shuffled slowly his way. _'He's miiine!'_

"Ahh… Gomen, but erm.. Sharne is a little erm…erm…eto…"

"Twatfaced?" Pie 'finished' Hannah's sentence off for her. Sharne wasn't even paying attention, she was wasted looking at a tree *lol*

"Eh…eh heh.." Hannah closed her eyes in shame and looked at the floor. Damn, that betch had better not ruin this opportunity to do a mission with Iruka!

"OooOooO! Do not fear Hannah-chan, I shall protect her with my bare hands and _youthfulness_!" he linked his arm through Sharne's and saluted to the sky with tears of pride in his eyes.

"Ehhh? Ehhh, nani? BANOFFEE PIE." Sharne pointed accusingly. Pie smirked wickedly.

"Kusotare."

"Well, let's go everybody!" Iruka commanded with much enthusiasm, and allowed Hannah to go forward first.

"MM! ONWARD, SHARNEY-CHAN!"

"YAAAAA!" she screamed, dragged against her will by the over excited Maito Gai.

* * *

A few a jappie explanations;

**kunoichi - female ninja**

**hetchi - exclaiming something perverted**

**baka - idiot (but you knew it, right?)**

**zakkenayo - don't mess with me!**

**itai - oww, that hurt**

**gomen - sorry**

**eto - umm..**

**nani? - what or why?**

**kusotare - you bastard!**

**kami - god  
**


	2. Cuckoo Lady!

The client wasn't a ninja, so he was so slooow. He wouldn't stop moaning, either, and Hannah just wanted to punch him in his snob face. Genma ended up carrying the guy on his back to Pie's _disgust._

It had gotten dark.

Iruka and Hannah were running through the trees on lookout. Iruka cleared his throat a bit. "Hnhm.. It's real pretty, isn't it?"

"Uh?" she replied. Was he talking to her..?

"The moon. It's so full and bright tonight…" he said shyly, rubbing the back of his head with a smile.

"Oh!" she looked up. "Yeah Iruka…it's…very pretty…"

"Kinda like-…" _SMACK, BANG._

"YOROSHII! No one's gunna take US down today right, Hannah-banana!"

No way did a hopelessly legless girl just trample and knock the man of her dreams to the floor.

Pie smack-facepalmed herself.

Hannah sighed exaggeratedly, was she ever gonna have that special moment with Iruka?_ Can't Gai put a leash on her, or something?_ Oh well…the branch just snapped and she now joined Iruka with her face planted in the ground._ Hahaha, dumbass._

Gai rolled the dead weight onto her back.

She was snoring.

"No worries! _Konoha's Handsome Devil to the rescue!" _he threw Sharne's limp body over his shoulder and she made an 'oomf' noise.

.~.

It was midnight and the team felt tired (or already passed out..), so they decided to set up camp in a dense part of the forest. They made a smallish circle and the snobby client guy slept in the middle of them all. Hannah looked over at the snoring, satisfied Gai with a Sharne sprawled over his lap, dead to the world. _Ha. Ha. Ha. She ain't gonna be a happy bunny in the morning, man. Ooh. Tch. _She visibly winced. Then huddled up in her HIM hoodie, shivering in the night air.

"Are you cold, Hannah-chan? Here…" Iruka took off his Jonin jacket and pulled it around her.

"Oh.. Yeah I was. Thanks Iruka-kun!" she smiled and zipped it up, then scooted a bit closer up to Iruka. He grinned back. Score!

Pie witnessed the little scene next to her. She shuffled up to Genma, "Mmm, it's _cooold…"_

He gave her an odd look, but then just looked simply amused. _Scooore,_ he wrapped his own Jonin vest around Pie. And his arm…

.~.

The forest was quiet and peaceful, the crickets were chirping, everyone was sleeping. Iruka was dreaming of the girl beside him, they were in a field of daisies, he was leaning in to her face and…

"**IYAAAAAAA!**"

…And one Maito Gai was sent flying through the air into the nearby river with a SPLASH.

"Iruka-sensei!" Sharne was on her feet, facing him, pointing with a shaking fist oh so accusingly, like it was his fault?

"This is ALL your fault!"

"What Sharne-chan? How can it be my fault!"

"YOU let Gai-baka _do _that to me! BLEEEH!"

"N-no.. Sharne-chan.. I-I didn't re-realise…" he stuttered, damn, she was still pretty hammered but she was scare-ee!

"Screw you guys. I'm going *hic*.. heewme!" and she took off into the black trees.

"Nooo, Sharney-chaaan! It is my **DUTY** to _protect you_!" a sodden Gai chased after her. Eurgh, he looked even creepier when he was wet and his already tight jumpsuit clung to his skin even more.

Hannah rolled her eyes, she was knackered but she couldn't let her drunken friend run off alone in the dark could she now? So she, Iruka and Gai took chase while the client stayed behind, with Genma and Pie…who were too interested in each other.

"Arooo! I are an owl. Watch me fly, cuckkoo lady!" Sharne was pretty good at jumping branches in the dark considering she was like, steaming.

"_Cuckoo lady!_ WTF Sharne! Get your ass down here. Now." Hannah scolded her. But after some kitty cat noises and singing in response she decided to go up the tree and drag the damn kunoichi back down by her ankles.

Sharne stuck her tongue out at her beloved friend.

"SOME PEEPUL THINK I'M BONKERSS! BUT I JUST THINK I'M….FREEEE!"

And she leapt off the branch. Into black nothingness. Oh no…_she was going to fall and die!_

"IYAAA…!"

Hannah, Iruka and Gai watched in horror as she plummeted down…

Down…

Down…

Into a pair of strong arms.

Hatake Kakashi looked down at the dazed girl he was holding.

Her eyes were spinning in dizziness. Like spirals. Then they came back into focus, well, as much as a tipsy girl's could. A blurry mass of silveryness… "'Kashiiii!"

"Yo." his eye creased a little in a smile and he set her down on her wobbly feet.

"Kakashi! MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" Gai pointed at his rival in a dominant manner, he had _**his girl!**_

"What are you doing here, Kakashi?" Iruka eyed the Jonin, this was supposed to be his mission where he was in charge for once! Damn Hatake, jumping in the spotlight and rescuing the girl.

He looked up slowly. "The Hokage sent me here as backup. It's a good thing, because no one was awake on lookout and I saved Sharne-chan from a drunken suicide. Lucky, eh?" he narrowed his eye at Iruka.

"Why aren't you wearing your shinobi attire then?" Iruka looked at his casual clothes, which were a black short sleeved shirt and faded black loose jeans, and smart yet snazzy sneakers. His hair kinda floppier without his headband. He looked pretty smokin to be fair.

"Mn, well, I couldn't be bothered to change again, not particularly a hard mission, eh Iruka? Now, I guess I'm officially part of the team now." he gave a thumbs up earning him a super Sharne-fangirl squeal.

Iruka grumbled and blushed in humiliation, giving Kakashi that look of '_Man, how could you show me up in front of my girl?' _look.

They all headed back to the campsite. Sharne was too drunk and so rode on Kakashi's back.

"KA-KA-SHI.. KA-KA-SHI.. KA-KA-SHI…" she chanted happily.

"Well, _someone's_ happy." Hannah gave her the shifty eyes.

.~.

They settled back down to sleep for the night. Genma was sleeping between Pie's legs and she was obviously playing with his hair before they fell asleep. Kakashi was resting against a tree, ready to play lookieout for the night, Sharne had sprawled herself over his lap comfortably but he didn't seem to mind that.

"Niiight, Kashi-kun."

"Night, kiddo."

And she _finally_ dozed off. Man, will she ever be sober ever again?

Gai was sleeping flat out on the grass, defeatedly_. _Hannah sat back next to Iruka, who was looking pretty bummed off._ "I think you're a good leader, Iruka-kun."_

Iruka smirked, then sheepishly put his arm around her. Good times, good times.

_

* * *

_

Lol, this story makes me cringe. ^_^_  
_


	3. Girls like pink things

[A/N: If it doesn't make sense in parts, please tell me. I did edit it to make some kind of sense, but I haven't made like loads of effort like I would with my other fics.. it's just for funsies. ;D]

* * *

Hannah woke up to find almost everyone awake. Iruka was poking at a fire, "Ohayou, Hannah-chan! I made you some breakfast."

He handed her a grilled fish on a plate and she munched it up hungrily. "Mm mh-fankoo Irummka-cham."

He was infatuated as she scoffed the fish. _She's so beautiful even when stuffing her face!_

"**Where's my fish!" **Pie ordered Iruka, and he began cooking a fish with haste. Man, it was not right to be scared of a simple Chuunin woman like this!

After breakfast Hannah walked over to Sharne who was still crashed out. _Heh, don't blame her really._

But the mission had to continue so she began to gently shake her. Not too hard, incase she was still drunk and got a smack. "Sharne-chan?"

She didn't. Pie came over with her fish, and waved it in front of Sharne's nose. "Mmmm, want some o' this Sharney?"

"…ungnh…Pie?…" she moaned weakly in a way that would make your heart hurt.

"Yes, honey…?"

"move that _fucking fish_ outta my face."

Pie yelped and practically swallowed the fish whole. Sharne sat up and rubbed her poor throbbing , Gai and Genma had returned from collecting water. Iruka handed Sharne a plate of fish, but she backhanded the plate and the fish _splatted_ in his face.

"Don't try to feed me fish when I've got a hangover, _Iruka-sensei_!"

"Aww…c'mon, you know don't have to call me Sensei anymore, it's been 4 years! 'San' will do…" he sweat dropped at her wrath.

She put her hands on her hips mockingly. "Seeeensei."

"Here, want some of this?" Kakashi handed Sharne a stick of her favourite treat. Strawberry Pocky!

"Nom nom!" she nommed the delicious pink biscuit and her pupils turned to hearts, Kakashi smiled in innocence. Hannah rolled her eyes. He could suffer the consequences. _Don't give Sharne sugar in the morning…_

But when he shared them between Pie and Hannah too, they didn't complain.

"What is it with girls and pink things?" Iruka asked annoyed.

"I don't know, but you didn't even save me a Pocky," groaned Genma.

"I bought them for the girls. What kind of man eats pink food anyway?" said Kakashi.

"…nani?" Gai was shoving the remainder of a pink Pocky stick in his mouth. The three men stared blankly at him.

.~.

After the client had finished his breakfast (3 fish, 3 cups of coffee, 3 fried eggs) the team continued the mission. Hannah, Sharne and Pie were hyper from the sugar rush of Pocky. They skipped arm in arm through the forest singing loudly…

_Blueberry, blackberry, raspberry, strawberry!_

_Blueberry, blackberry, raspberry, STRAWBERRY!_

_Merry-merry-go-round! Funky funky playground!_

_Merry-merry-go-round! FUNKY FUNKY PLAYGROUND!_

_[A/N: Powerpuff Girls Z! Cha cha! ^^]_

…til the inevitable sugar crash set in and they had to be dragged along by their male escorts.

Gai wanted to drag Sharne along, but she wanted Kakashi.

"Kakashi, MY ETERNAL RIVAL! You have stolen the love of my life right in front of my eyes! I challenge you! Whoever wins, wins Sharne-hime's heart!" Gai challenged.

Kakashi shot him an odd look. "Eh? What kind of challenge?"

"You choose!" his teeth gleamed brilliantly in a grin.

"Rock Paper Scissors?"

* * *

Aw yeah, you ready for some Gai x Kaka action? Also, I don't know why I started thinking about fish LMAO, I just remember loling so bad when I wrote that. Strawberry Pocky ftw though, ne? ;)

**ohayou - goodmorning**

**hime - princess**


	4. Copy Ninja vs The Green BeastWorm

The two Jonin faced each other. They looked serious. They looked bloodthirsty. They looked ready.

"One shot?"

"One shot."

Both men raised their shaking fists to their heads…

.~.

"JAN! KEN! PON!"

They drew. Rock beat scissors.

"Kakashi is WINNAR!" the 'referree' Pie announced.

"Damn you, _KAKASHI! _You always best me, even in luck games! But I have another challenge for you!"

"Ho?"

"I challenge you to a BREAKDANCING FIGHT OFF!"

The whole team was silent. The client was not amused. Crickets chirped.

…

"Mm, you sure about this?" Kakashi smirked with confidence.

.~.

The team stood in a circle around a clearing where the two men faced each other. Genma stood in between them with his boom box as the 'ref'. "This is a freestyle dance off, it starts now, yo!" and he jumped back and pressed play on the box. The song booming out was Hot Dog by Simian Mobile Disco.

The two Jonins started their battle immediately with some funky robot moves.

"HA!"

Gai started worming along the floor like a **big green worm.**

"CHA!"

Kakashi broke down on the floor on his hands, doing some spins then two cool kicky moves in the air whilst doing a handstand, then he did them on his _**head**_, then finished by standing up making his body ripple like a wave. Sharne drooled.

Gai started doing some freakish hand and arm motions that couldn't be humanly possible. "_Eat this, KAKASHI!"_

Kakashi the Copy Ninja opened his Sharingan eye and perfectly mimicked the moves, but made it look sexy.

"_Yeeeeee, go Kakashi-sensei!" _Sharne cheered ecstatically as a Kaka-fangirl. Hannah looked dumbstruck. Pie was just laughing her ass off at Gai.

Then the music cut out to silence. "AWW MAN!" Pie protested.

Gai was passed out on the floor in a retarded shocked-like position, his eyes were white and his arms in front of his face. Sharne looked at him weirdly and raised her eyebrow. "Do kashiteiru?"

Genma kicked the boom box, but it appeared to be broke. "Well, going by Sh-.. The audience's decision, I declare Hatake Kakashi the winner!"

Gai let out a _AUUUUH ROOOOAR_, and stormed off with a huff…but no one noticed, and Kakashi punched the air in victory.

The boom box suddenly magically came back to life, and out boomed BACCHIKOI! Yay!

The three hyperactive fueled-by-sugar kunoichi started dancing the Bacchikoi dance and squealed in a high pitched squeal that caused all male ears pain and suffering.

_BACCHIKOI!_

_BACCHIKOI!_

_BABEH~!_

_

* * *

_

Haaa~ I had so much fun writing this chapter! :D If you want to imagine Kakashi and Gai breakdancing, watch this video and pretend it's them youtube .com/watch?v=CeZkvxfHd40&playnext_from=TL&videos=uX0IqKBtwkM (take the space out after youtube!) - I imagine Kakashi is the leader guy in the middle, with the grey hat, cause he's the coolest. :3 Also, the part at 4:11 is where I got the inspiration for this chappie, song and all!

**do kashiteiru - are you okay? you seem out of it.**

*dances to bacchikoi* ^_^**  
**


	5. The Young and the Hopeless

They were on their way home after escorting the snobby man back to his village. He had given them a chunky wad of cash as an award, and Genma was fanning his face with it.

**AND IF I MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY! **

**WILL TOMORROW BE THE SAME!**

**AM I JUST RUNNING IN PLACE?**

**AND IF I STUMBLE AND I FALL!**

**SHOULD I GET UP AND CARRY ON!**

**OR WILL IT ALL JUST BE THE SAME?**

**CAUSE I'M YOUNG AND I'M HOPELESS!**

**I'M LOST AND I KNOW THIS!**

**GOING NOWHERE FAST THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.**

Pie and Sharne sang at the top of their lungs, marching through the forest with linksied arms. Silly Kakashi for feeding them Smartie cookies. They sound like cats stuck in a dustbin.

The three guys breathed a sigh of relief. Now that the mission was over, they would be free of these mentally challenged damn kunoichi!

.~.

Hannah was walking along minding her own business when Gai suddenly strutted past the group playing a saxophone on loop and BUCKING HIS HIPS WILDLY WHILE DOING SO. And then he was gone again.

_Omigodomigod, that_ _was fucking grotesque but hilarious?, _and then everyone forgot about it and continued what they were doing. Especially Pie and Genma, they were too busy making out behind the tree and touching each other.

Iruka walked alongside Hannah and took her hand bashfully. Hannah smiled and blushed and held his hand.

But fate was cruel and tore them apart, oh how cruel…!

"_Haaaaai _guyz!"

Sharne plonked herself between the lovebirds, separating their sausages of affection. "Ehhhh? Iruka-sensei, stop_ blushing at me!" _Sharne's eyes shut into slits in that stupid way Naruto would do at him…that's so infuriating!

He shook his fist, his body shaking and his face was like a tomato.

"Oi, Sharne-chan, come over here." came Kakashi's voice a little way away, noting Iruka trying to conceal his temper.

"Eee!" she squealed fan girlishly and bounced over to Kakashi and glomped him.

"Can I have a piggyback, Kakashi-sensei?" she was already on his back, did he really get the choice! And why did she still call him sensei, she was all grown up now, it made him feel old **dammit!**

"Not if you keep calling me sensei…"

"Kakashi-_kun!"_

_.~.  
_

Genma and Pie walked hand in hand. Hannah and Iruka walked sausages in sausages [A/N: LOLAGE]. Sharne sang happily upon Kakashi's back. Kakashi's eye creased into a smile at the sweet sound.

_WE ARE FIGHTING DREAMERS!_

_blah blah na na ra la la la_

_Fighting Dreamers!_

_

* * *

_

I would like to thank to jg for saying "sausage" to me that night while I wrote this (_why_ was that?) and it somehow ending up in my writing. Thanks. XD_  
_


	6. Best friends forever!

Three Jonin shinobi and three Chuunin kunoichi sat at a table in the corner of Club Konoha.

Hannah took a gulp of her JD and coke feeling the luscious dizziness and warmth washing all around her, while Pie knocked back her Guinness along with Kakashi, Iruka, and Genma, and then punched the air with a 'WOOP!' when she won. She drunk like one of the guys! Sharne was sipping a ChiChi through a straw…

Smoke and music filled the club. As soon as "I BUY SAUSAGE!" blared from the speakers, the three girls jumped on the dancefloor and did their thang to the Lucky*Star dance...

.~.

A tipsy Mitarashi Anko and Yuhi Kurenai had wobbled over to them and started flirting with Genma and Kakashi, with their breasts basically hanging out, so this got Pie pissed.

"Emergency call 911, she's pissed off at everyone." Anko sang.

Oh, that did it beeyotch!

Punches were thrown, lipstick was smudged, hair was ripped out, 'holy shits' were exclaimed, heels snapped, drinks splashed in faces, RIOT!

"Hannah, I love you." whispered Iruka's sultry voice amongst the chaos. Hannah was caught off guard and her eyes and mouth opened like an **'o' **in shock. She turned to the side to look at him…

"HENGE!"

*poof*

"…"

"MWAH, MWAH?"

Iruka turned into the **most annoying girl in the world** doing pouty mouth and kissing noises. Hannah smacked Sharne across the table, how dare she interfere with her love? _SHE TRANSFORMED INTO HIM AND TRICKED ME! SHANNARO! _Inner Hannah screeched, gritting her teeth and shaking her fist aggressively. Sharne put her hand on the red welt forming on her cheek, whimpering to Kakashi who rubbed it better tenderly.

Luckily Iruka was oblivious to Sharne's mocking, and slid his hand round Hannah's waist, whispering the forbidden words into her ears. Ooh, brave guy after a drink, ne?

Hannah was so romantically (and sexually) frustrated that she pulled him in and they kissed. Genma and Pie were kissing. Kakashi and Sharne were kissing. Gai and Hayate were kissing. EVERYONE WAS KISSING?

The three kunoichi besties looked at one another smugly.

Guess the mission wasn't the biggest bag of fail after all. ;)

* * *

.~.~.

_*Ending Credits*_

_Three kunoichi are sitting under a tree waiting for the rain to stop. It finally stops, the sun comes out, they all ride their...bicycles!_

_Jitensha! Jitensha! Jitensha! Jitensha! Jitensha!_

_(Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!)_

_Ko ide! Ko ide! Ko ide! Ko ide! Ko ide ikuyo!_

_(Pedaling! Pedaling! Pedaling! Pedaling! Let's ride a bicycle!)_

_Imasugu, imasugu, imasugu, imasugu, imasugu_

_(Immediately, immediately, immediately, immediately, immediately)_

_Jitensha! Jitensha, koi de!_

_(Bicycle! Ride a bicycle!)_

_

* * *

_

Woo, it's over! I hope you guys liked it, it was fun to write and kept me busy during my drunken loneliness! lulz. ^_^

My next ficcie will be decent, I swear, I swear!

_Ja ne_ for now! time for a celebratory drink. ;D

Also, I may add some character profile songs to the end of this story. Also, I've got few ideas in my head for another KakaShar fic I may write very soon. _Also, _doesn't anyone else think they say "I buy sausage" in the Lucky Star song? XD

Anywho, pls review! :3 (or not..)


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